i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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