I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize