I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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