you guys were way drunker than both of me
only you would photoshop your dick
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
