then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
