I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
