You can't motorboat a personality
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
