she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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