I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
