You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
