I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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