It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
