11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
