theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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