I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
