I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
