i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
i need some magic done to my vagina
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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