Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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