My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We are all done wearing pants today
Randomize
