"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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