There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
