YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
