Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Green mimosas i think yes
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
