I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
