She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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