$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
