honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
