Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
