Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
