I'm lost and stupid without you.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Drake has all the answers
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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