My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
