Your dad touched me again.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
