those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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