He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
