franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
