You're completely useless in the revolution.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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