My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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