got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
