ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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