there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
this boner is exhausting
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
