I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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