: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
