He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
