What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
