the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
