Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
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