Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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