My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
