some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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