Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
