I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
