My sheets look like a crime scene.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
