Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
