The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
