I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
