I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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