did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
