I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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