Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I am midnight drunk by noon
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I need a beard to bite.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
