Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
