It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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