Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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