I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
