I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
