Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
