VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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