I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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