Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
