The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
