Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
