I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
