if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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