im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My vagina is very pro this idea
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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