So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
