Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
