Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We were destined to go to rehab together
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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