It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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