that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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