Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
