If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize