Sponge bath it is.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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