im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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