you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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